Grief is a natural adaptation process that we experience when we feel a loss, we let go of something that is important to us, sometimes of our own free will to achieve favorable growth in our lives and other times in a sudden, unexpected or imposed manner. It can occur when we separate from a partner; a situation of unemployment or a change of job; emigration; illness; disability; accident; old age and other life events. Whether this feeling of loss is caused by our own decision or not, it can often lead to feelings of sadness, frustration, difficulty in resuming daily life activities, among other emotional states and last for months or years, depending on the meaning of this loss for us, our personal characteristics and the support networks we have.
One of the most feared losses is the death of a loved one. When this happens, a grieving process begins that can last a long time, until we accept that this person will no longer be there, the intensity of the pain diminishes and we regain the ability to continue living without him or her. But What are the emotional stages we can go through in a grieving process?:
- We may feel dazed or stupefied, fearful, anxious, depressed, have loss of appetite, sleep problems, or drowsiness.
- We do not accept the loss and feel anxiety about the separation or absence of what we had.
- We want to find and recover what we lost. We may feel guilty, think about what could have been done to prevent the event, feel anger and lack of interest in others.
- We feel disorganized and desperate, emotionally depressed.
- We find it difficult to plan ahead, we are easily distracted, we lose motivation for things, appetite and sleep, and we isolate ourselves from others.
- When we begin to recover from grief, we feel that our energy and appetite are restored, our sleep returns to normal, we relate more with other people and enjoy life without feeling guilty.
What would help us recover from a loss?
- The grieving process can take a long time, so we must be patient and give ourselves the opportunity for this process to complete.
- Express our feelings to people who can understand the loss, such as friends, family, people who have gone through the same situation, health specialists such as psychologists, doctors, nurses, among others.
- Talk about what we lost if we want to, even if it hurts.
- Seek the support and company of our family and other loved ones, trying to maintain affectionate relationships with everyone.
- Accepting that our family members and friends may feel our loss differently, without this meaning that they are insensitive or uncaring.
- Assist in the care of our children, if we have any, or other people with whom we live and are in our care, or make arrangements for another trusted person to do so while this stage lasts.
- Engage in activities that relax us, give us stability and help us recover.
- Rest, go for a walk and reconnect with other people.
- Seek specialized help if grief continues for more than a year, when we have significant changes in body weight (gain or loss), no desire to continue living, recurrent difficulties sleeping and prolonged states of emotional stress.
Prepared by:
Iris Lugo Carro
Psychologist
Master in Health Psychology